BDSM acceptance has, in my opinion, always been a hot topic. It has always been discussed within the BDSM community and among vanilla people.
Within the BDSM community you find specific opinions recurring which look like this in a very polarised format:
- BDSM is only for people who want to do it, there is no need for a community and there is no need to talk about it as it will only draw the attention over here. We will only be limited if more people know about what we are doing.
- BDSM is a big part of my sexuality, it defines how I establish and organise my relationships. I am drawn to submissive partners and I do not want to run the risk of losing my job because of this. BDSM is a part of my sexual identity so I want to my family and friends to understand my preferences.
From vanilla people you usually have the following opinions, also in a very polarised format:
- I find BDSM comparable to abuse, violence, oppression of women and rape. It is sick and disgusting,
- I am curious about BDSM and would like to spice up my sex life on occasions with some spanking, hair pulling and rough sex
- BDSM is just weird, I don’t understand why people have to beat each other up or even speak about what they are doing in their bedrooms
If you look at these polarised descriptions of different opinions then you might find some inconsistencies, depending on your own opinion, that might be obstacles to BDSM or you being accepted. I will point out these inconsistencies by explaining my own point of views.
BDSM is, to me, not just a bedroom activity, it is my sexuality and as such it defines what type of relationships I want and how I choose to pursue them. It affects which type of women I am drawn to and it also affects the foundation my relationships rest upon. It is affecting my whole perspective I’m using when I’m navigating inside a relationship. It is not just about flogging and it is not just about punishments and humiliation – It is also about guidance, care, respect and communication. It is about being the best you can be and as a Dominant pulling out the best of your partner – To allow them to be the best they can be in the one of the areas, among others, that they want to excel in; Submission.
BDSM is so much more than just defining how someone should be fucked and I want to be able to be open about my sexuality without running the risk of loosing my job or being isolated on a social level among other things.
We are not there yet and we have some distance to cover before we reach that destination. First we have to eradicate all the perceptions that are based on lack of knowledge, perceptions that are based on the beliefs that BDSM is all about violence, oppression of women, abuse and rape. This is totally wrong, mainly because of the most prominent foundations that BDSM rests upon; Consent.
To be honest, I want to be able to explain what my preferences are without being ostracized. I don’t want to flaunt my sexuality in people’s faces or go into specific details and then demand acceptance – I just want the same rights as people who announce that they are heterosexuals.
BDSM is not about being cool or what I am doing in the bedroom – It’s just my sexuality, it defines my relationships.
I have a group of selected friends that know about the BDSM in my life, friends that I trust and that I want to understand why my relationships look in a certain way. No one wants to be stamped with attributes that aren’t in accordance with your personality. I don’t want to be perceived as a “mean son of a bitch” or a “sick fuck” just because someone doesn’t understand the concept of BDSM and I sure don’t want my submissive to be perceived as a weak and victimized woman.
My opinion on how to overcome the of the lack of knowledge and myths that are surrounding BDSM is described in my consideration manifesto.
Join us in our Livecast tomorrow, Friday the 15Th of January to discuss these matters with us.
The discussion topic is: BDSM and Acceptance – Do people accept your kink?
We start at:
- 22:00 Swedish Local time
- 4:00 pm New York local time
- 22:00 CET
- 21:00 GMT
- 13:00 PDT/PST (1 pm)
Feel free to fill out our poll. We want your opinion about BDSM and acceptance as we are curious about your experiences in the area of BDSM and acceptance.
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I’ve heard all the arguments before. First it was with non-white people, then it was with women, then gay/lesbian people. Now it’s with us. Could bdsm is the new ‘gay’ of the new millennium?
Maybe it is – I would argue that it is at least in some areas. In Sweden BDSM is a opportunistic target for some extreme groups within in the feminist domain and female liberation. One thing that I’ve always believed in when it comes to female liberation is the freedom to make a choice.
That freedom of choice should also include the right to live out your submissive side. But to these, rather small groups, it means that you are traumatised by the male entity and do not know any better.
Removing your choice is abuse and oppression to me. Another thing as well, these groups tend sometimes to forget that there are a lot of male submissives as well
The other side of things is of course the general population and their exposure to the world of BDSM which is usually a media flavoured one with lifestylers still being portrayed as “strange people”. Fortunately this is gradually changing, but I knew a fair amount of lifestylers that have been pushed out of families or lost their children because they have made a choice to be open about their sexuality.
A quick comment about the second poll: I was forced to choose “They accepted it without any problems” while I’d have preferred an option saying:
“They had some problems accepting it at first and maybe now they have a different opinion of me but this knowledge didn’t ruin our relationships”
Ok, way too long for an option but I just couldn’t feel as accurate the “without any problem” part of the third option in my case.