I believe that everyone has an equal right to express their sexuality in public spaces, but I also believe in consideration which something I have to show towards others as I cannot demand them to show me consideration just because I live and express my sexuality in an open and free society. This is based on expectations as the public don’t expect to see someone being hogtied or flogged in the middle of the town square, just as they don’t expect to see a grown up man or woman being led by a leash around the city centre.
I want to work against prejudgements which are mostly based on lack of knowledge. I want people to accept BDSM by increasing the common knowledge about it and I am convinced by shoving it up in peoples faces by provocation just creates a weak position. There might be people that get curious by a public provocation, but what are the people that don’t get curious thinking?
I want BDSM to be a natural part of the sexual landscape and I am looking forward to that day when I can walk with someone in a leash publicly in the town centre without being judged, but exposure through public play might create the opposite effect. There might be other ways to work against prejudgements as public provocative play doesn’t represent the consent, boundary discussions, aftercare or the strong bonds that exist between a Dominant and a submissive. An information meeting about BDSM might be more successful than a provocative public play.
I want to challenge peoples opinions, but I prefer to nudge them instead of pushing them. I prefer to to take them slightly beyond their limits of comfort rather than making them feel awkward.
BDSM is, to me a, way of living and I am given the right to live as I want as long as I show consideration towards other people that don’t share my way of living.
BDSM has been around for centuries, and maybe even longer, and is still not totally accepted in the eye of the public and the modern man isn’t necessarily more enlightened and more willing to accept my way of living. Therefore I will choose my battles – I will fight at the right time, the right place and with the right strategy.
I will ask myself “Why would people accept me just because I am provoking them?” whenever it is necessary.
Information before provocation…
Related posts:
As far as I know, no war has ever been won with just a single strategy. And yes, I would say we are waging a war, albeit a non-violent one, for the right to exist and further, to be accepted as a Good facet of human sexuality. Perhaps there is room for both the information agent and the agent provocateur? The agent provocateur usually has the advantage of already being armed with the information that the information agent dispenses to the masses and gets people to recognize an issue(usually within themselves). The information agent has the advantage of being more accessible to the un-informed as well as being somewhat more palatable to authorities. I appreciate what both bring to the table. -LordSir Ninetails
My dearest friend and Master of course we are in agreement on Consideration. I tend to think few people are impressed by contempt; certainly I am not. Those who make judgements without knowledge show contempt for me and for the diversity of human expression. IMHO that includes BOTH those whose judgements are against my sexual orientation, and those with contempt for the vanilla who don’t consent to exhibitionism.
Despite my enjoyment of exhibitionism I don’t want to impose my sexuality on the non-consenting, non-interested or clueless. I have found respect for others’ choices to be fundamental to my BDSM, and courtesy the natural expression of a Dom/me or submissive…
LordSir, I find the terms information agent and agent provocateur very helpful, thank you for bringing them into this discussion. But I think the latter is difficult to do well, and those most drawn to it tend to be in it for the thrill and lack the respect for other perspectives which might make that role effective. I think of comedians. The great ones have sharp wit and remarkable compassion and great ability to observe and CONNECT with others. That’s what it takes. And if one cannot really effectively handle being an information agent, the odds of being a good agent provocateur on social issues and sexuality are IMHO very low.
Uhm by the way Master – the thought of you walking “with someone by a leash publicly in the town centre” does make me grin – hugely.
Welcome back, Cloud, and will we see you in SL soon? Perhaps you can be paraded around there? Smiles – LordSir Ninetails
I completely agree that we should all have the basic right to express ourselves for our sexual orientation, but it is not a universally good idea to do so.
In the United States where I live (San Francisco), there is a general acceptance of virtually any orientation save three forms:
(1) Pedophilia is not OK
(2) Bestiality is not OK (because the animals cannot give consent)
(3) …. oh my: Male Dom / female sub
Really? Yes really. I have been at very open parties where it there were many Dommes and their pets. But if a white man brings a lady on a collar and leash, political correctness rears its very ugly head. Were my playmate and I wired the opposite (Female Domme / male sub), then we would be ‘liberated’, ‘sophisticated’, ‘kinky’ and more. People would praise me for having the courage to be out about my orientation.
But as a male, 185 cm tall, leading and owning a delicious subbie of 155 cm, I assure you I am not welcome at all.
Given that, and that I am an executive in the high technology industry, I think I will remain safely closeted. I would prefer to be out, but is not OK here and I prefer to not be a martyr.
Master Gordon, you may have professional risks or consequences. And there are social risks, even among the BDSM world. Not all of it is as discourteous as the lack of respect for you, your sub and your relationship you seem to run into (and to me, that is at least as offensive as shallow hypocracy). But few communities are monolithic in their opinions (and who wants anything to do with those that are that “united”? The other name for those communities is “cult”.) Maybe the noisy PC police you have run into are just a minority.
I myself have both experienced and witnessed repeatedly the social rejection which can be offered by the shallow minded. Years past, I was told there was no such thing as a true, healthy, mature, ethical bisexual.
In my region that ignorance diminishes. I have been told there is no such thing as a real switch or that a switch cannot know the truth of either submission or dominance. 
And occasionally I am “informed” I cannot be a BDSMer and a feminist. I contradict those opinions, proof for those fortunate enough to play or chat with me. (Yes I know that sounds arrogant :0 but I just try to know my worth, and that in everyone *I* am fortunate enough to play and chat with!)
And I do not accept the offers of social rejection either.
It is a choice.
I hope you and your sub find a non-shallow community who understands choice and mutual respect.
And maybe your comments here help create it?
If one needs an example of an “agent provocateur” who doesn’t help his cuase…look no further than Perez Hilton.
[...] opportunity for educating and informing people according to what I have written before about my Consideration Manifesto. It is not the optimal situation to work with, but it is at least something to work with. People [...]
[...] My opinion on how to overcome the of the lack of knowledge and myths that are surrounding BDSM is described in my consideration manifesto. [...]