Comments on: The importance of boundaries http://islandofpain.com/2008/12/08/the-importance-of-boundaries/ Living BDSM as a Second Life and in Real Life Wed, 08 Feb 2012 07:35:17 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.3.1 By: Cloud http://islandofpain.com/2008/12/08/the-importance-of-boundaries/comment-page-1/#comment-3137 Cloud Tue, 20 Jan 2009 13:57:05 +0000 http://islandofpain.com/?p=370#comment-3137 Corvan and Master Stoltz, good points; while donning a collar in RL can be a trigger, in SL submissives wear collars as long as they are in a committed relationship, or really even longer, as a fashion and lifestyle symbol, only resetting ownership and if RLV or such exchanging keys. Really, there is no clear we-enter-play mode signal in SL that I am aware of; there's a tendency for most of SL play to assume quasi 24/7 characteristics, one is in and out of play constantly. People hand over the SL TPE equivilent (RLV control) very very casually; there's neither risk nor depth in it, for most, as far as I can see. Whereas in RL, if you hand over TPE for a session or for 24/7 - huge risk, huge depth of impact for Dom and sub. I do wish SL BDSMers would choose and use clearer triggers for play mode - I think it could really increase the depths of play via the medium. Maybe keys are or could become that. Corvan and Master Stoltz, good points; while donning a collar in RL can be a trigger, in SL submissives wear collars as long as they are in a committed relationship, or really even longer, as a fashion and lifestyle symbol, only resetting ownership and if RLV or such exchanging keys. Really, there is no clear we-enter-play mode signal in SL that I am aware of; there’s a tendency for most of SL play to assume quasi 24/7 characteristics, one is in and out of play constantly. People hand over the SL TPE equivilent (RLV control) very very casually; there’s neither risk nor depth in it, for most, as far as I can see. Whereas in RL, if you hand over TPE for a session or for 24/7 – huge risk, huge depth of impact for Dom and sub.

I do wish SL BDSMers would choose and use clearer triggers for play mode – I think it could really increase the depths of play via the medium. Maybe keys are or could become that.

]]> By: Stoltz Sinatra http://islandofpain.com/2008/12/08/the-importance-of-boundaries/comment-page-1/#comment-3136 Stoltz Sinatra Tue, 20 Jan 2009 13:17:15 +0000 http://islandofpain.com/?p=370#comment-3136 Good point, there Corvan - You are totally correct on the fact that keys might be a start and stop marker symbol as well as handing over control between the both parties. On the other hand, when you are in a long-term relationship with a dom/sub, then the keys are probably just handed over once (in SL, in RL its a bit tricky if you don't do a 24/7). But external parties cannot see if there are any keys handed over, the only symbolic marker they have of the relationship is the collar. I like your differentation, which applies to maybe more random play. Good point, there Corvan – You are totally correct on the fact that keys might be a start and stop marker symbol as well as handing over control between the both parties.

On the other hand, when you are in a long-term relationship with a dom/sub, then the keys are probably just handed over once (in SL, in RL its a bit tricky if you don’t do a 24/7).

But external parties cannot see if there are any keys handed over, the only symbolic marker they have of the relationship is the collar.

I like your differentation, which applies to maybe more random play.

]]> By: Corvan Nansen http://islandofpain.com/2008/12/08/the-importance-of-boundaries/comment-page-1/#comment-3134 Corvan Nansen Mon, 19 Jan 2009 09:07:16 +0000 http://islandofpain.com/?p=370#comment-3134 Wanted to start off by saying how much I've appreciated reading everything here. The thoughtfulness and thought-provocation has been very enlightening. I wanted to briefly touch on something Cloud mentioned regarding SL, namely the use of a collar as the trigger point for donning the Dom/Sub personae inworld. Take this with a large grain of salt as I am v\ery much a newbie still in SL, but what I have observed is that it is keys that take on this symbol rather than the collar itself. I have seen it on many occasions, a sub will release their keys to a Dom(me) they are about to scene with and the scene is done when the Dom(me) returns the keys to the sub. I very much agree that it's important to be able to cleanly establish the start and stop points and this seems like a reasonable way of doing so. Especially as with the RestrainedLife Viewer, handing over the keys literally hands over control. Wanted to start off by saying how much I’ve appreciated reading everything here. The thoughtfulness and thought-provocation has been very enlightening.

I wanted to briefly touch on something Cloud mentioned regarding SL, namely the use of a collar as the trigger point for donning the Dom/Sub personae inworld. Take this with a large grain of salt as I am v\ery much a newbie still in SL, but what I have observed is that it is keys that take on this symbol rather than the collar itself. I have seen it on many occasions, a sub will release their keys to a Dom(me) they are about to scene with and the scene is done when the Dom(me) returns the keys to the sub.

I very much agree that it’s important to be able to cleanly establish the start and stop points and this seems like a reasonable way of doing so. Especially as with the RestrainedLife Viewer, handing over the keys literally hands over control.

]]> By: Cloud http://islandofpain.com/2008/12/08/the-importance-of-boundaries/comment-page-1/#comment-3070 Cloud Tue, 09 Dec 2008 05:10:32 +0000 http://islandofpain.com/?p=370#comment-3070 Very nice post, very helpful to think about some of these things these ways. I particularly liked the explanation of how very functional and meaningful a physical symbol can be. It cues not just your submissive (and her submissive persona) but you and your dominant persona; the latter is I think less addressed in basic books and SL classes at least. Some dominants seem to forget or not understand, the magic being worked is on them as much as on the sub. One takes up an aspect before play, and lays it down when normal time is to restart, as it were; or to use another (neopagan) analogy, one casts a circle and names protected space for sacred time, then later opens it to return to the normal world. Yes, we manipulate ourselves, whether dominant or submissive, and we manipulate each other; and I mean no pejorative meaning to manipulate, I mean we inspire and enchant each other and together create something rather wonderful and powerful. A collar is to me the key symbol of BDSM, not the whip or the cuffs (though they too can be embued with deep symbolism and ritualized responses) or a gag or leash or any other fetish object. The collar doesn't even have to be a collar (or a tight fitting wide neck adornment). It is the symbol of the gift and commitment, the promise for the care and the respect. As a submissive, it is unspeakably sweet and thrilling for it to be put on in RL. In SL I see a collar as a visual symbol, and a practical convenience as most are scripted; the simple weight of the physical reality of a collar, and the transformative power of donning it, do not translate for me. Very nice post, very helpful to think about some of these things these ways. I particularly liked the explanation of how very functional and meaningful a physical symbol can be. It cues not just your submissive (and her submissive persona) but you and your dominant persona; the latter is I think less addressed in basic books and SL classes at least.
Some dominants seem to forget or not understand, the magic being worked is on them as much as on the sub. One takes up an aspect before play, and lays it down when normal time is to restart, as it were; or to use another (neopagan) analogy, one casts a circle and names protected space for sacred time, then later opens it to return to the normal world. Yes, we manipulate ourselves, whether dominant or submissive, and we manipulate each other; and I mean no pejorative meaning to manipulate, I mean we inspire and enchant each other and together create something rather wonderful and powerful.
A collar is to me the key symbol of BDSM, not the whip or the cuffs (though they too can be embued with deep symbolism and ritualized responses) or a gag or leash or any other fetish object. The collar doesn’t even have to be a collar (or a tight fitting wide neck adornment). It is the symbol of the gift and commitment, the promise for the care and the respect.
As a submissive, it is unspeakably sweet and thrilling for it to be put on in RL. In SL I see a collar as a visual symbol, and a practical convenience as most are scripted; the simple weight of the physical reality of a collar, and the transformative power of donning it, do not translate for me.

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