So, why do we all bother with all this work, pain and confusion? The answer is of course different to all of us but the most common ones will probably be: relaxation, development of oneself, fun and the big kick one get out of it.
But I also think that there is an other way of looking at it. BDSM lets us live out the purity in our man- and womanhood. BDSM let us be the woman and man we want to be but can not be in public when the norms of society forces us to streamline our gender.
As a Sub I can be the vulnerable woman who lets the man lead and guide me. As a Domme I can be the woman who lets the man take care of me, follow my will and in every extent goes the extra mile to keep me happy. In both roles I get to be a pure woman – and both the Sub and the Dom man gets to be a pure man, in way that we ourselves feel most comfortable with. We can simply be ourselves.
/Fröken
Related posts:
::Does not bother rewriting statement for bisexual/gay men; considers revised statement.:: Okay – yes. But it points out a possible problem: the identification of gender roles with behaviors any gender can actually manifest. There are aside from male and female, othersexed individuals, people who are not really one or the other, despite our cultural insistence that the gender spectrum really is a pure polarity. It’s not, either biologically or behaviorally; while humans are not recognized as changing genders, some species do and can even reproduce with a changed genetic contributer/parent. (Beware of the argument that humans only reproduce by male and female together; all those who then fail to are by that argument not “real” men or women either. Even for humans, fertility is complex and can change.)
Maybe BDSM is a way to be purely and deeply human, in way that we ourselves feel most comfortable with, simply as ourselves. It is the most civilized and primitive behavior I know.
Well, The greater good is interesting notion as it tells us there is a lesser good (perhaps easily identifiable) but it also allows the lesser bad and the greater bad. (bad is a odd word in this context yet is considered the opposite of good, evil is also but a strong word and not fitting I think ) And what are those things that are on the flip side of the greater good and how does one identify them as to be aware? Someone posted on here once, BDSM versus ABUSE. Are we saying that anything that qualifies as the bad is not BDSM. Like so many things that are good that can have a flip side such as alcohol, food, medicine; what is the bad side to BDSM? Is it worth looking?
Since BDSM is not a material thing, of your list “alcohol, food, medicine” let’s take medicine (and consider it as the practice of medicine or healing arts, rather than drugs; otherwise, all your comparisions are of philosophy-and-behaviors to material types). Is there bad medical practice? Yes. Medical practice which is unethical, or which is badly performed, or bad research/science-based, is in my humble opinion “bad”, harmful, needs radical improvement or simply to be stopped. Is there bad BDSM? Yes in my humble opinion; BDSM which is unethical (not firmly based on either Safe, Sane, Consensual, or Risk Aware Consensual Kink, or some rigorous equivilent ethic), or is badly performed or bad research/science based (e.g. hazardous ignorant or foolhardy), is “bad”, harmful, needs radical improvement or simply to be stopped. The solution, as I think/write out loud, for both bad medicine and bad BDSM is a firm commitment by individuals and practitioner communities to ethics, continual education, study, and practice improvement.
I asked once on this forum (without getting response by any commenters, if I recall correctly) is BDSM elitist? I guess I am tentatively saying, hell yes. It should be.
I do not think the practice of medicine or BDSM is for everyone. I do not think it is tolerable to let unethical abusers/predators in either realm, free rein. I do not think the lazy can safely practice it with any serious exploration.
Comments?