It took me about 30 years to realise that I am a dominant. The first question is: Why did it take so long?To be honest, I don’t know – I really don’t know.
One reason could be that BDSM is still a hidden part of society. I would actually say that it is more taboo than openly admit to being gay. People, in most cases accept a work colleague or a friend coming out and, telling everyone that they are gay. Still there is some stigma connected to that as well, and there is stigma connected to admitting that you are into BDSM.
Telling your friends that you are into BDSM and a dominant might not be the easiest task, as the question about how they will perceive you is filling up your thoughts. Will you loose your job if you tell anyone at your workplace that you are into BDSM, will your parents stop inviting you to birthday parties and family gatherings?
This calls for some really good judgement, and if that serves you well then you might get some curious questions back – Rather than judgemental opinions.
Is there another solution to this delicate problem of making people understand what you are into and why – Is there a safe way for them to get some sort of insight into BDSM? My answer is Second Life. At the moment, Second Life has a flourishing BDSM community. Some people only do BDSM in Second Life and other people do it both in Real Life and in Second Life – I myself do both.
What is the purpose of doing BDSM in Second Life is it even feasible? Of course it is – Second Life removes a lot of the stigma. Second Life cannot, of course, transmit the feeling of touch or pain. But the psychological element can be communicated in a very good manner – And the psychological element is as equally important in Real Life BDSM. Second Life also enables you to keep your anonymity as no one knows who you are, unless you choose to tell them.
You can even tell your friends to try it out, from the security of an armchair, to get a feeling about how arousing the psychological element can be. I’ve told a couple of my friends in Real Life to try BDSM in Second Life, and they are still doing BDSM online – One year later.
So maybe Second Life is the equalizer we need in order to show that we are into BDSM in Real Life – And who knows, the avatar you are spanking tonight might be, without your knowing it, your boss in daytime.
No related posts.
It is fascinating to discover that, while never having truly been familiar with BDSM before, I have been drawn to such places in SL if, for no other reason, than the people there actually have *personalities*. Indeed, some of my best SL friends I have met at these sites, the Island of Pain included.
BDSM in Second Life has opened my eyes to so much. I always knew the basics but it never really clicked in my own head that I really am a submissive. I’ve learned so much and continue to learn as I go along. Some of the best people I have met is on Second Life and particularly at Island of Pain. I’ve never met a nicer bunch of people. It’s a nice place to learn and talk openly other people who share the BDSM interest / lifestyle.
Revealing one is a submissive can be stigmatized as well. Subs, too, can be falsely generalized to be poor caretakers for children, employment risks, psychologically impaired. If fact, Doms, subs and switches are amoung the mostly highly ethical, responsible, trustworthy people I have met… And switches – well – I am not sure even the BDSM RL community understands them, but, I leave it to those with much more RL experience to comment more on that…
SL has been a very safe playground and learning environment for me; fairly recently, I have resumed playing in RL. Without SL I am not sure I would have done so; but
I become a better healthier person via D/s.
Great to see the site up and see the Isle doing so well!
I agree with your statements here. I have, for some time now, been saying that we need to come together as a community. We need to strengthen our position, and our numbers. I have long believed that SL provides us a perfect opportunity to become that stronger community, and it does seem that a lot of people have come to explore their darker side on SL, where they may not be able to in RL.
One thing is certain. LL is, and has been, on a crusade to “clean up” SL – gambling, age players, extreme sexual content – all it takes is one Victorian principled purist to show up and AR you and your group, your store, your land is subject to forfeit at LL discretion. If we do not follow the lead of the Gay and Lesbian community, and come together, show LL and others, that we are more than “just a bunch of sexual deviants”, we will be shoved back to message boards and miss the valuable opportunity to show others that BDSM is NOT just a sexual act – but a lifestyle.
“The only unnatural sexual behavior is none at all.”
Sigmund Freud
What a interesting discovery. Didn´t your wift notice your dominant side earlier and is she a sub? I think BDSM is intresting!
Nope she didnt discover my dominant side in that sense, probably because I wasn’t aware of it. But of course – I’ve always had a tendency of wanting to pull the strings.
And that side has never been hidden to me or the people around me.
Interesting!! I totally agree with what everyone has said here.
I entered SL not knowing the first thing about BDSM. I thought it was all about inflicting pain and the people involved must have some kind of mental disturbances going on.
But since joining SL I discovered that couldn’t be further from the truth. It isn’t all about pain at all. And the people i’ve met are well balanced, intelligent individuals.
SecondLife offers a great stepping stone for people that are curious about BDSM. Like you said it offers the anonymity to try things out safely. And is filled with knowledgeable people that are more than happy to offer advice.
I was so impressed with the BDSM community in SecondLife I decided to build a website dedicated to it: http://www.secondlife-bdsm.com/
The idea is to pool all the resources into one place, so that people that want to learn more won’t have to spend months travelling from place to place in SecondLife.
So far its had an amazing response from the BDSM community in SL and everyone i’ve spoke to is 100% behind the idea.
Like Yami said, the community does appear to be scattered, and i’m hoping this website can add some cohesion and help it to grow stronger. An ambitious plan maybe .. but who knows …
Anyway if anyone is curious to learn more, theres some great interviews and tips for people new to SecondLife and BDSM and I hope it can help people to understand a little more about what BDSM is.
hrmmm will your website be promoting other websites, Stanton Nightfire? Your articles are certainly enthusiastic, the overall aim ambitious, and the focus and style distinctive. For learning about SL experimentation or vendors, one can certainly lean more on your site. Do you plan to enable a blog or forum there?
Thanks for the response … Yes the website will be promoting other websites that provide an insight into BDSM, and at some stage I will introduce a forum .. but all these things take time
Incidently i’ve changed the name so as to not contravene the Linden Labs trademark laws. Ihe website has now become http://www.virtual-bdsm.com
Although this was a pain to do it future-proofs the website, and also it means it can cover other virtual worlds now too
Although there isn’t one quite like SL that I know of …