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Facebook Killer in Jail – What Can We Learn From This?
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Rapist and muderer Peter Chapman was online friends with more than 6,000 women and teenage girls on 10 different social networking sites and ended up killing one of them in october last year.
Chapman called himself Peter Cartwright – and claimed he was 17, single, a window maker and part-time DJ from Liverpool and His lies conned Ashleigh Hall into meeting him near Sedgefield in the UK.
Last night, Peter Chapman started his 35 years in prison.
People committing hideous crimes like the ones that Chapman did, are affecting all of us on a lot of different levels – But most of all; They create fear within each one of us.
Fear is never a good feeling and it makes us sometimes see things in a distorted way. It makes us think that every killer is hanging out on the web and all of them are into kinky sex. This is were the deductive thinking with most people goes wrong: Man, into kinky sex = killer, predator and rapist.
Fear makes us apply generalisations to a larger degree than we usually would do. This is something that will affect us all and especially people within the kink communities with honest intentions when they join different social networks.
My advise to people asking me about meeting a kinky partner through a social networking site is to have some simple safety measures in place before meeting up with that person.
- If it is too good to be true, then it usually is – If you bump into a person, try to see through your own “romantic filters” by being sober about everything. Remember that when we are chatting with people online in text, we mostly read things with our own voice and interpret from the specific mood we are in at that moment. If the person you are chatting with in text seems so perfect after two chat sessions, then I would say that you romantic filters are cluttering things up. Differentiate between the romanticised image you have of BDSM or another kink and the reality of it. Continued…
Posted in BDSM Techniques, BDSM Thoughts, Dominant, Submissive.
– March 9, 2010
Kinklab Introduces Innovative New Adjustable Leather Strap-On Dildo Harness
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The Adjustable Strap On Dildo Harness from Kinklab is now ready for sale, giving women a comfortable new way to bring pleasure to their partner.
The sexy and sophisticated harness features a flattering low-rise design that fits around the hips, not the waist, with genuine garment leather straps that are strong yet soft against bare skin.
Even more experienced strap-on users may not be aware that the difference between harnesses that adjust with buckles and those that adjust with D-rings is more than just aesthetic.
“There’s a functional distinction between buckles and D-rings when it comes to strap-on harnesses,” says Stockroom Brand Manager and Product Educator Ann-Marie Holman. “The more securely the harness can stay in place without twisting or pulling away from the body, the more confident the wearer feels, and the more directly the motion of her body translates to the motion of the dildo – which feels more exciting and more natural to the partner on the receiving end.” Continued…
Posted in BDSM Toys, BDSM news.
– March 9, 2010
Today it’s the International Women’s Day – Kinksters, Celebrate the Freedom of Choice
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Today, on the 8th of March, it’s the International Women’s Day and some people may think why should a blog that write about BDSM care about this day.
To me it is quite clear why this blog should care – We are sex positive and we want to celebrate all women that have recognised their freedom of choice.
The International Women’s Day was established in 1910 and first celebrated in 1911 by over 1 million people in different parts of Europe. Looking back at it, one hundred years ago women didn’t have a lot of choices – Women weren’t even allowed to vote in various countries. Those were different times and different injustices.
But the injustices still exists in different forms and one is women’s limited freedom to embrace their sexuality. This becomes very clear when some people claim that women being submissives are actually victims of a patriarchal system. According to these people submissives are under such an influence by the patriarchal system that they have no other choice than to become submissives and one of the loudest Sadophobes is Alice Schwarzer.
What these people don’t seem to understand that they are working in opposite direction. By stigmatising submissive women within BDSM they are actually taking away the freedom of choice for women to embrace and express their sexuality. This is mostly based on a lack of knowledge regarding consent and the fact that you always have a choice within BDSM. The biggest flaw in their criticism is the fact that there are Dominant women as well in the BDSM community, which should tell them that women have a choice within BDSM and sometimes it is a choice that they wouldn’t be able to have outside of community.
Submissives are highly regarded and respected within the BDSM community because they have made their choice based on their own free will and to do so you need to be courageous and highly aware of your wants and needs.
So I would like to call out to everyone within the BDSM community to use the International Women’s Day as a great opportunity to celebrate the women that have made the choice to live out their submissive or Dominant sides. Because these women have chosen to recognise, embrace and express their sexuality and in the end; Their choice.
We are celebrating your freedom of choice and my respect goes out to all of you…
Posted in BDSM Activism.
– March 8, 2010
Lust Films – A Company That Fucks Your Brain
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I had a very pleasant surprise today when I stumbled across a Spanish company called Lust Films and they fit nicely into the discussion I hand in my post “We fuck with our brains within BDSM“
They have a bundle of erotic film makers that do porn movies that tickles your brain in order to get to your genitals. The movies are on more in the art domain and I found them very pleasant. I would like to recommend a movie that they have which is called Handcuffs. Unfortunately I can’t embed it into this post, so you have to click the link to watch it.
Some of their movies have won awards at Barcelona Erotic Film Festival, which is in my opinion a very prestigious award.
Head over to their website and give them a try…
Posted in BDSM Expressions, BDSM Video.
– March 7, 2010
My Kind of Kink…Submissive as a Sink
16 viewsForniphilia is a little kink of mine – I enjoy the idea of having a submissive to work as a side table during a party or as a seat for a Dominant.
Somewhere in Asia, they seem to have incorporated the symbolism of having a submissive as a piece of furniture, judging by the pictures I’ve found
Source: Alternative Mindset
Posted in BDSM Expressions.
– March 7, 2010
The Importance of Mistakes – BDSM Processing 101
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I had an online conversation the other day with a person about mistakes.
To cut a long story short, he did something in a group that was a little bit out of line according the etiquette within that environment. He apologized over and over again, which I thought wasn’t necessary as mistakes happen. He then pointed out that he didn’t feel good about it.
Why didn’t he feel good about it, is it because we have reached a point where our society isn’t forgiving at all? As usual, the answer to that question might be a very complex one.
It might depend on where you come from, of course, as cultural factors might be significant to how we deal with mistakes. Let me break down this a little bit.
1. Why do mistakes happen?
The main reason to why mistakes happen is that we feel so confident in a context, that we start to relax and interpret things a little bit sloppy. Another reason is that we are convinced that we have all the fact at hand or all the knowledge that we need and we operate based on that belief. What we often don’t know is actually what we don’t know, in other words; We don’t have a clue about specific gaps in our knowledge and we are convinced that we don’t have any gaps. Continued…
Posted in Aftercare, BDSM Techniques, BDSM Thoughts.
– March 7, 2010
Stewardess Uniform Booms Fetish Black-Market
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Uniforms are a big part of the fetish scene and role-play in the bedroom. Europe were flooded with Russian military uniforms when the wall came down, so getting your hands on one of these shouldn’t be hard – And they come at a fairly good price.
According to Times Online Japan Airlines has faced mass layoffs, customer fury and national shame since the bankruptcy but it has also created a market opportunity for others. We might be witnessing a potentially thriving black market for the uniforms worn by its air stewardesses.
For decades, the crisp, no-nonsense outfits have appealed to male Japanese tastes. New Japan Airlines (JAL) uniforms have long been in demand in the local sex industry for customers keen on role-playing fantasies, while rare specimens that have actually been worn are hugely sought after by fetishists and are worth their weight in gold. Continued…
Posted in BDSM news.
– March 7, 2010
BDSM Quote of the Day
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“A mediocre Master tells, a good Master teaches, an excellent Master explains, but a True Master inspires”
— Author Unknown
Posted in BDSM Expressions.
– March 6, 2010
BDSM Picture of the Week
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Jim Duvall is the mastermind behind this image. To me it reveals the inner core of a D/s relationship in a very symbolic way.
A submissive is a fine tuned instrument that is exposing her delicate strings. The strings are gently plucked by the Dominant, the composer of the journey that they both have chosen to embark on. The instrument and the composer work together in harmony to create a masterpiece of music that will affect their inner being and slowly move them along an uncharted path.
The composer trusts the instrument to be in tune, as she trust him to compose the kind of music she is ready for.
Posted in BDSM Art.
– March 6, 2010
Joe Gets Dominated – The Sequel
18 viewsJoe is back for a follow up!
Joe Gets Dominated was hilarious to look at if you a sense of humours regarding your BDSM.
The sequel to this is not equally hilarious, but it made me smile a couple of times at least.
Posted in BDSM Humor, BDSM Video.
– March 4, 2010
Interview With Local Dominatrixies
17 viewsHonolulu Weekly has done an interview with 3 local Dominatrixies, Twisted, 22 , Tsunami, 20, and Ecstacy, 25.
Twisted, Tsunami & Ecstacy
It is always interesting to read about how other people approach BDSM and usually I don’t rant about it.
But this time it’s different.
I’ve read the interview a couple of times and the thing that makes me really baffled is how easy it is for some people to label themselves as professionals. Of course, it might be media that wants to see them as professional – But it still makes me wonder.
There is especially one quote that got stuck in my mind:
Tsunami: I would say that we’re professional about it. We’re always trying to expand what we know about various types of torture. Hygiene is definitely important. We try to stay as far away from germs as we can. Occasionally we’ll bring out the gloves. We have hand sanitizer.
If hygiene is the thing that will turn you into a professional, then I would say that most people with common sense, while doing BDSM, are professionals.
Maybe it is wrong choice of words – Maybe common sense was what they were looking for when they used the word professional.
All the Dominants I know find a lot of pride in planning things to a very detailed level. They also find it very satisfying to read up on things so they can push the boundaries with confidence and in a safe way. That doesn’t make them professional – It’s what turns them into damn good Dominants.
Maybe I am worried when some people within BDSM are almost treated like rock stars by media.
Maybe I am worried when the term professional is diminished and washed out when it is used – Especially when the definition of a professional Dominant isn’t very well defined when it comes to expected level of experience and knowledge.
Maybe I am just worried in general and this is the price we have to pay when BDSM is taken for a spin by the main stream culture.
Posted in BDSM Activism, BDSM Thoughts, BDSM news.
– March 4, 2010
We Fuck With Our Brains Within BDSM
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The online world as we know it today is filled with pornographic material – And all of it is just a few clicks away on your computer screen. I myself don’t mind a weekly dose of porn and I even subscribe to Kink.com.
Everyone has an opinion when it comes to porn, but a general one is that porn is, in most cases, made with a male audience in mind. It is a consensus that I have agreed to myself, but I am actually starting to doubt it.
I’ve read a really interesting column on this subject today; Sex columnist: Porn fest just not for men.
The author, Jeanetta Bradley, points out a couple of interesting things. One is that in most porn movies women are gorgeous and men don’t look that good, with a reference to the old porn dog Ron Jeremy.
But is this a totally fair assumption?
Look at it from another perspective – Internet is filled with all sorts of diverse kinks and the perception of beauty is, as always, in the eye of the beholder. There is a lot of porn out there that differs from the normative concept of beauty. Porn with large women, amateurs, housewives, home made, grannies and trannies. Continued…
Posted in BDSM Activism, Other blogs.
– March 3, 2010
Downturn in Economy – Skyrocket in BDSM and fetish
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As the economy in the world has been in a downwards spiral, the kinky habits are apparently flourishing – At least in the UK according to press release from Temptations Direct.
One of Britain’s largest top online sex shops, Temptations Direct, has presented some really interesting figures in the shadow of the world wide economic crisis.
During 2009, it witnessed the sales of fetish products growing significantly more than adult products in general. And, recently, sales of fetish goods ahead of Valentines Day 2010 more than doubled on sales in 2009. In particular.
Posted in BDSM news.
– March 1, 2010
Happy Birthday to Us – The Second Year
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The Island of Pain blog has turned two years old!
We have gone through another year with the Island of Pain blog – And what a year it has been!
During the past year I felt that we had to change a lot of things as I started to think that either we concentrate on the blog or just drop it. So we changed a lot of things through planning and because we wanted to take things in another direction.
So we started with changing the design and the way we did things. We went from just being personal to being personal and informative on a general level – Our podcasts is a result of that change.
The podcasts are my babies and something that I have a passion for, even if the production time is quite long. As a natural progression we went into radio shows which enables us to have a totally different experience when it comes to the interaction with our readers. Through the shows we have a true dialogue with people and can act instantly on it.
We have also taken a clear stance when it comes to where we stand in regards to certain issues within BDSM activism – Something that we clearly try to expose in a lot of posts we do.
If we have an opinion on things then you will hear about it.
It is my opinion that all these changes have made this blog into something we have a passion for and love to work with – And that is something that our readers seem to have picked up on as well. We write about the things we do because we want to, but we also write about them because we want to educate, clarify, create opinions, provoke, communicate, spread the word or just help. I try to write things that reflects my personality and so has everyone else writing on this blog also done.
The fact that our readers have picked up on all this is something that is clearly reflected in our numbers.
We had 108 posts, 248 comments and 8500 unique visitors during our first year – Which were, to us, quite good. I was convinced that we could do better and that is why we started to do a lot of changes late august in 2009.
The numbers during the second year blew our mind: 250 new comments, 236 new posts, and a whopping 60 000 additional unique visitors! In a addition to that we have about 6000 downloads of our podcasts and radio shows that we started doing in late october of 2009.
I would like say a big thank you to everyone that have contributed through writing a lot of interesting posts during our first and second year; Little Snowpaw, Cloud Bracken, Catastrophe Scaggs, Allsmiles Sideshow etc. And everyone that have left comments with insights; Delicia Dreschler, Dane Gundersen, Diana Allendale and Lordsir Ninetails and everyone else that have contributed to keep the discussions going.
Thank you everyone – You are all the reason to why we exist as you take a keen interest in what we are doing right now and what we are trying to do in the future.
Posted in BDSM Thoughts, BDSM Web radio, Island of Pain, Podcast.
– February 22, 2010
And We are Back on Track
16 viewsAfter a slight, but well needed, break in our posting schedule we’re back on track. Sometimes you have to just relax and think about something else to get some creative juices back.
A vaction is for your soul what lubricant is for anal sex; Sometimes necessary.
Posted in BDSM Thoughts.
– February 20, 2010
BDSM Quote of the Day
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It’s only pain dear. And it’s only yours
— Unknown sadist
Posted in BDSM Expressions.
– February 13, 2010
Online D/s: Real or Just a Game – Island of Pain Web Radio Talk Show
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We are going on the air with our biweekly radio talk show on Sunday the 14th of February at 20 GMT (3 pm New York, Noon PDT/PST/SLT, 9 pm CET).
The subject for this show will be: Online D/s: Real or Just a Game?
There is sometimes a divider within the BDSM community when people claim that they are doing online D/s. One part of the community doesn’t look at it as a real activity – It’s just on a computer screen, therefor it isn’t real BDSM. While others claim that it is a subset of the BDSM scene. We want to discuss this – What is your experience and opinion?
We will look at the positive sides of Online D/s as well as the downsides.
You can use Skype to call us during the show (add us to your friendslist) – Our skype name is bdsmlifestyle. We will also accept questions/opinions through Twitter which we will try to keep an eye on during the show. All participation will be anonymously.
You access the Island of Pain Radio show by tuning in or clicking on the Web Radio choices that we have on the right side of the blog or if you feel technically savvy then you type in 89.160.63.132 and port 8000 in your preferred web radio software. Some players want the format to be like this: 89.160.63.132:8000
Posted in BDSM Web radio.
– February 12, 2010
Have You Checked Your Pride?
19 viewsIt’s about 6-7 months until the Pride festivals take place here in Europe. We are seriously thinking about participating for a lot of reasons. One is mainly that BDSM has to be exposed to the general public so we can bash a lot of myths.
There is a lot of festivals going down in July – August and it’s a great opportunity to meet fellow kinksters and get your exhibitionist urges satisfied. Take a look at the article Annual Pride Events in Scandinavia to find out more about the different pride festivals. If you want to get inspired then take a look at the video clip. Sun, kinky people and nice music – What more could one ask for?
Posted in BDSM Activism, BDSM Expressions, Events.
– February 12, 2010
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